He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize
