did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize