ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
