i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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