Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize