i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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