It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
