I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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