mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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