i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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