Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
