I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
