I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
