Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
