i just sent this text using only my big toe
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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