if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
