Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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