I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
