The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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