: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
