Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Welp...herpes.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I deserve this hangover.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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