dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
