sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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