I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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