The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
