mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw a hot homeless man
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize