My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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