is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
