at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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