Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
