Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
