I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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