WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
