The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
