the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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