If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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