If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I believe in your delicious
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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