We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
