Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
