wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
