Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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