Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
