I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
