ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
