Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
