it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
