to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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