If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
