my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
