the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
