I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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