Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
