i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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