In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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