Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
