I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
