maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The power of my boobs compel you
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
