This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
