my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
