I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
