pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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