at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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