I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
