I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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