there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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