You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
