I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
