I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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