I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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