That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
