i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it's great music for shaving your balls
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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