I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
